Self – Harm

What can I do with this awful pain
That festers in my heart?
Pain that shreds me, cuts me up
Pain that tears me apart.

How do I face emotion or feelings?
Each pang of sorrow or fear,
Unable to face them, helpless and frightened.

I suppress each rising tear…

Pain overwhelms me, like a monstrous storm
No control, unleashed from within,
I need to contain it, need to suppress it,
I must not let it win.

I can’t let it go, I need the control
Knife, scissors, sharp metal blade,
In time the scars may fade.

Restless and desperate, with trembling hand
Scratching, carving my skin,
A sharp sting, I see blood, all is numb,
A strange calm now within.

I look at my wounds, disappointed with self,
That I had to harm for release.
Surely there must be some other way
To find that inner peace.

The fix is short lived and I know that in time
The feelings will surface again,
But for now at least
I have quieted the storm
Exchanging a wound for my pain.